“I needed to stop spending so much time in the low-self-esteem room!”
—Heard in CMA.
I’d been sober for several years, going to meetings and doing my Steps, but I still didn’t really like myself. I still had those negative voices in my head telling me I sucked. I really thought this was going to end when I came into the program. Weren’t the Steps and my sponsor and regular meetings going to fix that low self-esteem?
I had to look at my behavior. Yes, I was going to meetings, but what was I adding to the meeting? Was I gossiping? Was I doing service and helping out, or was I criticizing? What about the rest of my life? How was I spending my time? Was I acting out in other ways that were making me feel worse about myself? Was I living the same way I was before I got clean, just without the pipe?
The program told me that in order to build self-esteem, I had to do “esteemable acts.” For me, this meant getting out of my comfort zone—holding my tongue (and pen and computer) when it was appropriate to do so. It meant staying away from people, places, and things that could bring me down. And most important, it meant taking actions that were good for me and the world around me, that made me feel like I was growing and getting better.
Action: What action can I take today that I’ve been putting off that will help build my self-esteem?